A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize