Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
