Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drunk is not a location!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
