You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
