Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize