god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
