Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
