i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
