We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
