It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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