Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
