tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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