I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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