My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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