It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
