My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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