I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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