guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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