Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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