ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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