yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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