In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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