this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
