oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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