WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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