now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
