Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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