my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
