Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize