This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize