Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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