Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
