Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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