piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize