he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
