By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
