my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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