i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
