Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
