dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
