sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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