I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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