you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
