They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
