What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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