she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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