I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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