I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
