Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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