chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
