I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
