just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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