I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
