I want to stick my p in your. b.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
