All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
