Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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