he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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