I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
