im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
