it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
