I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
