I think I won the penis lottery.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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