i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
