Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
