college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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